You think you’re shopping? Nah—fate’s just picking you out.

Don’t ask why I’m crazy—I just saw through the world’s BS before you did.

I’m not a store manager—I’m your spirit guide to the abyss, quack edition.

Don’t blink—you just missed a toy that could’ve changed your life.

They say I’m insane—but would a lunatic ship this fast?

I used to be a normal duck... until I met those things.

This ain’t a sale—it’s emotional release.

Your cart’s full of repressed desires. You’re welcome—I’m a pro.

What you want doesn’t matter—I know what you lack.

Don’t try to understand me. Even my mom gave up.

Logic says “don’t buy,” madness says “get two.” I say—buy three, get free shipping.

I just provide the tools. What you do with them... hehehe, that’s on you.